


Fuck You Eren Jaeger

by orphan_account



Series: The AU That Never Was [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, this is very silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-01-14
Packaged: 2018-03-07 06:19:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3164459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>that kid next door is a piece of shit</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuck You Eren Jaeger

**Author's Note:**

> anybody who read my 30 Day NSFW OTP Challenge will remember an AU where Erwin and Levi are happily married business men and Eren is their punk neighbor. Levi is irritated by Eren a lot. But they eventually end up fucking.
> 
> Here's the story of how it all started.

His name is Eren Jaeger, but Levi will only refer to him as "that kid next door".

_"That kid next door has too many tattoos"_

_"That kid next door is playing his shitty music too loud"_

_"That kid next door reeks of marijuana."_

_"That kid next door got another piercing."_

Erwin, his husband of eight years, is amused by this and teases Levi at every opportunity.

_"That means you were checking him out again."_

_"That means he's covering up his moans as he touches himself."_

_"That means you were close enough to smell him."_

_"That means you pay too much attention to him."_

Levi is not pleased that Erwin knows about his fixation on their neighbor.

"Well, maybe you should make it less obvious." Erwin chides him over dinner that Sunday night.

Levi didn't let his husband stick his stupid dick into him that night.  Erwin just laughed and jacked off, exaggerating his moans and describing in graphic detail about how he loved to watch himself be swallowed up into Levi's tight little body, though it was almost always a struggle for Levi to take him no matter how ready they thought he was, but he took it so  _well_ almost like he was born for it.

Levi didn't cave that night, or the next.  Or the night after that. Or the night after that.

By eight pm Thursday evening, Levi was riding Erwin at an almost vicious pace in the middle of the living room.  The thumbprints Erwin left around his waist lasted for days.

Friday morning they were delivered a noise complaint by none other than Eren Jaeger.

Saturday afternoon, their doorbell rang.  Levi opened it to find a small box containing a ball gag.

"That punk." Levi muttered under his breath. The nerve of him. 

Levi wasn't as up-to-date on his subcultures as he used to be, but he was pretty sure dressing in all black with lots of piercings and tattoos was punk.  Although he was certain punk involved a lot more plaid, punk was also an insult Levi loved because it made him feel like a mafia boss taking a new member down a few pegs.  So Eren was punk until proven otherwise, and even then Levi would still use it to insult him.

More specifically, Eren's usual attire consisted of a black tank-top to show off the ocean-themed murals decorating his arms, possibly the tightest black jeans to showcase an absolutely maddening ass, perfect in shape and size, an ass that an ass like Eren should not possess.  People who were dumbasses should  _not_ have such amazing asses!

Levi was irritated he spent a lot of time thinking about Eren's ass.  He was beginning to wonder if he should start a swear jar of sorts, put a quarter in everytime he thought of it.

Erwin would probably have an aneurysm from laughing so hard, so the swear jar never happened.

Which was probably a good thing, because when Nicki Minaj came out with "Anaconda", Eren popped into Levi's head every time that fucking song came on.

Estimated total: $15.75 

And what was with the chunky heeled boots? Always  _clickclickclick-_ ing on the pavement, sounding deceptively professional for someone who looked like a degenerate. The fuck kind of man wore heels?

Levi then remembered that every so often, he dressed up as a French maid to clean.  So he shut up about the heels.

He will grudgingly admit that Eren has pretty eyes, and perfect hair.  Kid was still weird though, even if he didn't wear any eyeliner.

"You say he's abnormal, yet you're the one memorizing every detail about him."  Erwin murmurs into Levi's neck Sunday morning, loosely fisting his husband's dick.  Levi didn't reply because he couldn't.  Erwin wasn't about to let a perfectly good gift go to waste.  Levi also didn't hit him, because his arms were bound in a slender black rope and Erwin's arm curled possessively around his waist mean that he could try to wiggle away, but would only manage to grind Erwin's erection in between his thighs, and that left him more angry than aroused.

Erwin didn't drop any hints regarding his knowledge that angry orgasms were Levi's favorite orgasms.

In the eight or so months Eren had been their neighbor, Levi hadn't spoken a word to him.  But Erwin was a polite motherfucker, and was able to converse with people for five minutes without making a deadpan shit joke and weirding everybody out because everyone expected people as hot as Levi to have a better sense of humor.

Being polite also apparently allowed him to disregard Levi's rule about staying in bed when he came down with the flu, and answer the door anyway.

Eren Jaeger was on the other side, with an order form for Girl Scout cookies in one hand, and a small Japanese girl clutching his other for dear life, looking fiercely determined despite the slight tremble in her lip.

"But Levi, honey, you should have seen her, she was so cute!" Erwin gushed when Levi came home that night. Levi had raised an eyebrow at Erwin's description of the girl dressed in a simple black dress with white lace at her cuffs and collar, a miniature top hair perching at an angle on her head.

"Utterly adorable." Levi remarked when Erwin was through. "How many boxes did you buy?"

"Two of each."

"Wow."

The cookies were delivered by Eren and the same girl, introduced as Mikasa, his foster sister.  This time, she was wearing a white ruffled blouse and a black suspender skirt, her lacy-gloved hands holding a dainty black parasol.  Yeah, she was cute, Levi had to admit. But not worth spending that much money on so Levi called his husband a bastard and ate all the Thin Mints.

Later, when Levi was groaning in bed with a stomachache, Erwin had just shook his head in exasperation and made Levi tea the way he liked it and in his favorite mug to boot.

God, his husband was such an asshole. 

Long story short, Levi would have been perfectly happy to live his life without speaking to that kid next door, but fate had other plans.  

And those plans came to fruition one hot summer day, when Eren Jaeger wore a tight pair of shorts, bought a grape popsicle from the ice-cream truck, and Levi said his name instead of Erwin's while his husband was blowing him later that night.

God.

_Damn it._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this au wasnt supposed to see the light of computer screens
> 
> who let this happen


End file.
